3 clubs, 23 rounds, A slab of passion….

Saints Traits

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I have a few friends that barrack for St Kilda. Its a bit like having a family member who’s always got an aliment or too, terrible back luck with broken limbs, is short of a quid, cant quite dance, is cursed in relationships and is forever losing their car keys. There’s a sense of ongoing pity.

These were my words after St Kilda were defeated by Collingwood last year. In that post I chronicled the roll call of coaches and the ongoing tease of September glory that has proved continually elusive and draped in ongoing random despair. As if you won tattslotto and then wash the jeans with the winning ticket in the back pocket. Every item of clothing you wear for the next 6 months bears the reminder of that ticket ingrained in every fibre eluding your best efforts with your “Clothes Magic” lint remover.

But how do you erase the memory of a 145 point decimation?  Rain and early injuries to Mitchell and Lake seem early to help St Kilda over come the paucity of their 2 goals to 6 opening term. Instead the dam walls collapse and the foreboding spectre of a thrashing floods their psyche.

Much of this weeks media’s attention was on Daisy Thomas’s first game against his old club in a tiresome beat up by proxy of the Mick V Bucks allegiance gone bad.  Today, relatively unreferenced, Big Boy McEvoy and Shane Savage play against their old clubs St Kilda and Hawthorn respectively. Ryan Show and Marker does exactly that in his come back game from an ACL reconstruction as a born again forward complete with Samari style pony tail. Schoenmachers is one of 4 Hawks along with  Gunston, Roughead and Bruest to queue up to each kick 4 goals – the same number the Saints manage.

We could talk about the game but the focus would come down to the the crook neck suffered by the goal umpire following the traverse of the footy through the big sticks. Instead, here is the slide from which there is no hide from the Saints website jquery of scrolling human interest stories….

Screen shot 2014-05-04 at 4.35.36 PMLets quickly analyse the syntax here for its buffering of the outcome:

Disappointing – failing to fulfill one’s hopes or expectations
(The synonyms are more insightful here – sadden, disillusion, dishearten, disenchant.)….again – refer to early post.
Falter – lose strength or momentum.

What’s missing here is a confessional description that paints exactly the relentless nature of the belting St Kilda has just received at the MCG. Imagine being on the end of a continuous series of wedgies for one hundred and twenty minutes. You –  feeling the elastic of your Y fronts meeting the back of your neck again and again as each Hawk goal, evasion, tackle and possession drives a wrenching hawk hand with a fistful of cotton upwards.  By the time the siren blows to end the game your undies have become a hoodie as a sort of reverse atomic mankini. The only good news is that its raining at the end and this injustice at least makes up for your oversight in not packing a poncho.

And here are the statistics that paint a harsher view of the game than do my own partisan Hawk chest beating:

  • 21 of the last 23 goals are kicked by the Hawks
  • Go back to 1980 for the Saints to have borne as big a flogging
  • Worst St Kilda score since 2000
  • Saints didn’t kick a score in the 2nd quarter
  • Lowest half time score in a game against the Hawks since 1960 during Round 9. I recall vaguely listening to this game in utero.
  • Hawthorn’s biggest ever win over St Kilda
  • 4 Hawks kick 4 goals equal to St Kilda’s goals for the game
  • 5th largest win in Hawk history
  • 5th largest loss in St Kilda history
  • 25 inside 50’s only by the Saints, the lowest since records began.
  • 68 inside 50’s by the Hawks, the highest differential ever…..
  • St Kilda captain Nick Reiwoldt held goalless

I could go on but here’s the breakdown. Try to read it without feeling the presence of a sub conscious traverse of your undies…

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Fittingly Jordan Lewis, Hawk hard nut boots the last Hawk goals in this his 200th game. The Saints fourth goal at the death is a gimme from the Umpires who look away shamelessly as an obvious throw gets from Montagna sets up Steven to a ringing chorus of booing hawk fans.

St Kilda travelling okay until this point appear to be under pressure again. Armitage, Gilbert, ruckman Dunstan and young Templeton, all core players look to be lost for the short term to injury. Ahead of them, after next weeks bye await the Roo toppling Suns, another bye and then Collingwood. May God have mercy on them all.

Hawthorn 27 13 175 destroyed St Kilda 4 6 30

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2 Responses to Saints Traits

  1. I’m so glad I didn’t watch this. I did see the half-time scores and looked away. Thanks for clarifying, Mick, so I know to avoid newspapers. What an appalling display of nothing. The Saints oughta try basketball instead, or maybe basket weaving. I’m over football, and moving interstate.

  2. Mickey Gee says:

    If you were younger obviously I would be telling you to man up and get behind your Saints. But given you approach middle age you’ve taken enough beatings, enjoy your new life interstate and may the sun help heal those deep deep scars…..

Hit me on the chest with your centimetre perfect pass