Hawthorn’s Ryan Shoenmacher returned from an ACL injury sporting a samuri style pony tail or top knot as opposed to the neck knot. Is Ryan, along with Don Michael Hurley and Pie Brodie Grundy part of a clandestine warrior cult adhering to the samuri metrosexual virtues of rectitude (gi), courage (yu), benevolence (jin), respect (rei), honesty (makoto), honor (meiyo), and loyalty (chugi) ? Known as a “chonmag”, the top knot is designed to keep the samuri’s helmt on his head. The code also dictates a samurai could regain lost honor by committing ritual suicide (seppuku) – presumably accompanied by a restoration of a short back and sides. Now the samuri has died out in modern Japan, the only remaining wearers of the chonmage are sumo wrestlers. While skilled athletes in their own realm, they are a far cry from the sculptured muscle mass of today’s elite AFL footballer.
The current penchant for the “chonmag” reminds me of those Chinese and Thai phrases lads have tattooed on their arms as a sign of wisdom, enlightenment and of course toughness. I remember asking a bloke who had one what the Chinese typography inked on his arm signified and shamefully – for a warrior – he did not know. I proffered that I knew and offered as a translation “Number 67 Lemon Chicken and Rice”. I take the consequential hit for the sake of warriors everywhere.
On Friday night while walking toward the G for the Collingwood V Carlton I spot a Pie fan attired in shorts revealing massive calves supporting a physique favoured by architects of the beach side changeroom/dunnies from the Bessemer brick inspired 1960s. I swear I see a face on each calve, possibly a tatt of each child he has borne? Driven by my innate love for art naive, I quicken my stroll to take in the work of the obvious delicate genius who has put child to this canvas of skin. About to pull out the iPhone to commit the vision to pixels when I realise the images are of deceased and prized Rottweilers complete with name and an innovative curved R.I.P. cut in the appropriate gothic font. Looking to Google on return from the Pies savaging of the Blues, I realise an established art movement has erupted in my cultural ignorance and shelter from the I’ll wear it proudly ethos that permeates an elite clique in the doglovers world.
In a galaxy far far away lives a parallel universe of Adelaide media with the ability to commentate Port and Adelaide games without the need to barrack for the home team incessantly. During Fox Footy’s commentary of Melbourne’s away win over Adelaide, home town hero Mark Ricciuto’s special comments revolved essentially around willing the Crows back into the game, even with 44 seconds to go.
Cat Joel Selwood sports bleeding from his third eye yet is permitted to kick a long goal in the last quarter against the Tigers that wins the game. At the following bounce the Umpire simply asks him to wipe the blood off with his hand onto his shorts (that presumably no-one will touch), then finally when the bounce goes haywire, he is sent off under the blood rule. Tigers lost by 5 points.
Kangaroos consistent inconsistency continues after final quarter whipping. Almost squaring the ledger at half time after giving the Suns a 7 goal quarter time head start, Gary Ablett leads an avalanche of goals to propel the tan hunters to a 43 drubbing. Lauded as giant killers after stunning both Freo and Sydney away from home, the Sunday night muffins with vegemite and cheese go down well whilst reading the storm of angst on the Kangas Facebook page. Here’s a sample:
AFL blocks release of Yoda (left) t-shirts celebrating Star Wars day after Kevin Bartlett (right) continues to seethe about the league’s non recognition of his 127 games with “the Force” waiting for crumbs at the rucking feet of powerhouse Chewbacca.
Inconclusive DNA tests put the kibbosh on this seemingly not thought through t-shirt design mimicking that moment of deep Star War gravitas for cheap football rivalry promotion. Preview audience Sci Fi fans not impressed with Carlton new plot depicting blue adorned storm troopers contributing to the imploding of their own Royal Parade death star.
Big week for Eddie McGuire. After undoing his previous good work last year with Adam Goodes post a Pies supporter’s racial villifcation, this week he was back in the focus for invoking slang chat for specific female anatomy in reference to Power Pensioner Kane Corne’s age. While today Goodsey’s announced last years incident pulled the pin on the relationship with Ed, there are no hard feelings from Kane.
I know I don’t play for Collingwood Eddie but old c@*t is a bit harsh! Got a good laugh out of that
— Kane Cornes (@kanecornes) April 27, 2014
Teflon Eddie puts another one behind him, walking between the raindrops. 3 strikes and yer out?
— Adam Goodes (@adamroy37) May 29, 2013