3 clubs, 23 rounds, A slab of passion….

Mick’s Big Selfies Round 11

kevA lack of discipline brings Carlton  more undone on and off the field than the collective open flies on degenerates sharing their shoppin’ on social media. All over the beggin bowl Lions into the last quarter, Carlton experienced stalwarts Jarod Waite and Chris Yarran return to pre 1990 AFL urban jungle “settle scores meself” acts that result in subsequent penalties then goals. Malthouse’s Blues disappear from the games server like a sans budgie smuggler snapchat selfie and return to the showers for a good old fashioned bake. Fringe Blue Josh Bootsma has his contract terminated after breaching the Club’s and the AFL’s Codes of Conduct through the distribution of images of areas of his skin that generally don’t see sun unless you’re down the beach….a nudist beach.  While electronically displaying a shadow of his former self(ie) to a teenage fan whose mum latches eyes on the human sundial and puts in the accusatorial phone call to the AFL and the club that blows the siren on Josh’s AFL career.

PCD0021_lWho could forget that other celebrated “self shot” incident concerning a nude Nick Riewoldt and then Saint, now Docker Bootsma look alike Zac Dawson that was removed from a teammates computer by the infamous St Kilda schoolgirl back in 2011. Later in the week fans racially vilified Cyril Rioli on social media choosing celebrations during Indigenous round to inflict their own brand of courageous yet anonymous venom. When Johannes Gensfleisch zur Laden zum Gutenberg introduced the printing press back in the 1400s to produce Bibles he unwittingly instigated a control over the means to publish “ideas” only finally overturned by the rise of the world wide web and social media. What amazing progress we’ve made as a society to enable us to freely within the laws of the land transmit self taken images of our own bits, hopefully with a sensible use of inbuilt illumination to avoid the depreciating flash flare phenomenon.

Meantime Dreamtime at the G between Essendon and Richmond proved a fizzer with the Tigers failing to show up and coach Damian Hardwick digging deep all week into his backpack of excuses and recipes, after further frank discussions, that the players had bought into various improvement suggestions and leadership think tanks and that the corner was about to be turned again. Coach looks a dead man walking now the Tigers will miss the eight. Wise arse in the crowd waves a myki card at Jack Riewoldt during rare game set shot. Fountain of youth problem drinker Dustin Fletcher  breaks free off half back gathers the ball 70 metres out and releases a pension defying bomb that splits the sticks for only his 35th career goal. Now looks a certainty to play beyond Buddy’s contract and to be the only player to collect a pension, despite punitive age raising entitlement levels announced recently by Treasurer Joe Hockey.

Geelong’s self assuredness and confidence is punctured when Sydney demolish them in a death by a 110 cuts whacking  in the wet. Tippet and Buddy click up forward, Franklin particularly displaying a new attack on the ball in the air taking a number of contested marks. Even ol Goodsey appears back to fitness finally slotting a few to put the cream out of reach of the wet and shivering Cats.

The Hawks cruelled by injury to serious stars in Mitchell, Gibson, Lake, Rioli, Stratton and Lewis lose their coach Alistair Clarkson to a rare back affliction known as Guillain Barre syndrome which hospitalises him mid week. Into the breach steps assistant Brendon Bolton who nearly oversees a loss to the lowly thrash boys Greater Western Sydney. Saved by late goals to Issac Smith and Jack “Norman” Gunston the Hawks narrowly avoid a humiliation. With Clarko convalescing at home, the Hawks administration predict a potential boil over and have security in place at his home for a potential last quarter rampage against the plasterboard, television, lounge suite, lampshades, fire place, buffet, carpet, paintings, photos and assorted family memorabilia and trinkets. Therapists install a wax dummy of an umpire for him to sound off as pressure release and to minimise the contents insurance excess required. Earlier reports of a trashed hospital ward in response to media reports of his illness later prove unfounded.

The ongoing competitive malaise exhibited by St Kilda, Western Bulldogs, Brisbane and Carlton a testament to the cream of the football draft talent being extruded from their clutches into the protective yolk of expansion clubs GWS and Gold Coast.  St Kilda and Carlton potentially excused by former coaches and administration list top ups to avoid the coming slide for that final elusive tilt at the coveted cup.

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