3 clubs, 23 rounds, A slab of passion….

Mick’s Round 16 RANT!

Upsets and boilovers, this round is beset by upside down results that raise the metabolism in July but be barely remembered in September. Well, that’s what I wanted to tell the Roo’s supporter who baited me on the siren. Hawthorn and Port Adelaide, 1st and 2nd respectively capitulate along with Collingwood to a Gazza less Gold Coast Suns.

Gazza was almost unbackable as 2014 Brownlow medal until the Brent McCaffer tackle dislocated the great man’s shoulder in the 3rd quarter. He comes off looking with a pot roast. Rather than snuffing out the Suns it brought them to life as they ran over the top of the Pies. All wait nervously for the scans on Monday to confirm the extent of the damage to both punter hip pocket along with the remnants of Garry’s season and that potential first finals appearance.

Meantime a tale of two cities with Adelaide anaesthetising Greater Western Sydney before orange grandstands characterised by fan indifference. Back home at the one time fortress Port fall for the second week in a row and third time in four games putting the Creed to the test. This lets Sydney sneak to top after a rain sodden slog across the continent at Subiaco where Adam Goodes kicks 3 goals in a celebration for overtaking Crow wonder-man Andrew Macleod for the most games by an indigenous player.

Footy these days in between actual game time is a cacophony of ads, home team pump ups and inconsequential crowd interviews. We can’t be left alone with our thoughts lest another allegation of boredom is further thrown at the AFL. While never been one for too much nostalgia, I do miss the reserves and the brass bands at half time along with sound amplified with barely up to date Phillips outdoors speakers like you’d see only at your school sports carnival. North Melbourne have taken this to a new level with a recording of players from some post game celebration as a preamble to the the club song before they run out – “the out they come, out they come, out they come to play” which is played just prior to the game and again at the end. There’s also a “video grab shown after each Roo goal extolling fans to Make Some Noise in a strobing, shaking 2003 style Christian website font accompanied by a pressure cooker gauge that just about ready to blow! Everyone dutifully screams, bangs chairs and whistles on command. Another fabulous tradition we’ve borrowed from the US NFL.

Richmond saved themselves from a fan meltdown after finding 3 quick goals in succession in the third quarter to break the deadlock about the injury raddled Brisbane Lions.

drugs-are-bad-mmkayCan you keep up with the Essendon supplements saga? Can you give a stuff? The whole debacle is best summed up by possible JFK assassination conspiracist David Ferrie in Oliver Stones movie JFK: “Oh man, why don’t you fuckin’ stop it? Shit, this is too fuckin’ big for you, you know that? Who did the president, who killed Kennedy, fuck man! It’s a mystery! It’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma! The fuckin’ shooters don’t even know! Don’t you get it?” . Then on Friday pops up a video featuring AFL medico Dr Peter Harcourt rapping at a Zurich medical conference where confidentiality for presenters had been assured for the “delicate geniuses” in attendance, Until Thursday the video had only 6 views and by Saturday is pulled running the YouTube server rapid as hungry journos streamed it in slow mo in the hope of picking gnat shit out of peppercorns. Claiming 35-odd” former and current Bombers players were being monitored for “potential hormonal issues or cancer”, Harcourt also suggests on tape there was passive acceptance by Bombers players of the supplement program. Still no-one can tell us the missing piece of vital documented information about just what the the players were injected with, when, and where. But gee you’d hope all that hard work to get into the final 8 doesnt be naught a second year in a row.

Whilst on drugs, more dirt split at that conference as Dr Peter Harcourt claimed the league had retired three players hopelessly addicted to illicit substances and who’d come to their attention through testing. Speculation on who these might be grips the public imagination. One less highlight fact was that AFL players were low users compared to their age group out in the community writing, reading and wrapping up fish n chips in newspapers.

Eveyone seems to have a bit of round ball World Cupitis. I got up and yelled for the boys, wept with joy as Tim Cahill punctured the net at will,  sunk into despair when eliminated from further contention in the second game and wept as we were punished in the last game….Then I flicked the set over to Fox Footy where it’s squatted ever since. It’s easy to think that something so special we can only afford it once every 4 years once we’ve guaranteed the likely bankruptcy of the host nation and banished the impoverished inhabitants out of prime real estate is so much better than our code served supermarket like up 9 times a week for 23 weeks straight. How the hell can AFL compete with getting up at 2, 4 and 6 am? But carry over into support for the local national “football” (soccer a dirty world right?) league over the journey to the next cup in the next big thing in democracy the Russian federation followed in 2022 to the fashionable but extreme UV environment of Qatar? We rarely mention other sports in this blog, however we feel its time to make a stand the endless ongoing criticism of our magnificent game. So it was a shock to read Pie fan favourite “Joffa” quoted in the Herald Sun that he’d rather watch the World Cup than his own beloved AFL! Whhaaaattttt????? Paramedic!!!!

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Now, unlike many I’ve long admired his passion for both the Pies and the disadvantaged. But just what is it with this game bashing this season?  It’s like a virus more and more feel compelled to catch. Should we relieve some of boredom that by asking Channel 7 to never show Joffa behind the goals again? Maybe jazz up the game but getting contestants on Project Runway to compete to fashion a replacement for that gauche gold “victory” jacket. Or withdraw the advantages Joff’s had in promoting various charities he rightfully support  that AFL involvement has give you? Or is just a more simple justification about where his heart still lies – that Collingwood are nearly as unpredictable as North this year and the path to September is further littered with impediments than a haberdashery strewn with discard sequins. The last quarter of Joff’s beloved Pies versus Gold Coast this round and presumably after his comments were given to an eager Herald Sun happy to trade off his presumably off the cuff innocent comments was perhaps one of the most exciting this season. Boring? Hand in the membership Joffa!

Whilst on that game Pie Clinton Young’s chest bouncing attempt at marking 25 metres out in the dying moments put paid to a Pie victory. This costly error belied the sublime influence he’d earlier with the first couple of long goals in the game but I sure the mythical “even grandma would have pulled that in”.

“What person under the age of 50 is called Brian?” messaged Hanna to my daughter Fagyn high up in level 3 after Lake’s brain fade in the 3rd quarter of Hawks V Roos? 50 metre penalties, wrestles with threats to tracias and unceremonious move up forward to quell his nonsense all in a days work in a performance that goes straight past the match review committee to the AFL tribunal.

file1762The Dogs and Cats context has been the beginnings of literacy for many children given their frequent appearance in early readers. No doggy get’s his dinner here as the cats predictably win on their own litter hill. Only real excitement is the vintage steam engine on the line to the west of the ground blowing it’s whistle continuously during the first quarter on return from excursion.

Picture of Joffa from http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/joffa-on-the-big-screen.932906/

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Hit me on the chest with your centimetre perfect pass