3 clubs, 23 rounds, A slab of passion….

Hawk Harlequin Horror

I’ve just witnessed Wanda Jackson – the Queen of Rockabilly – at the Corner Hotel. It’s late and I’m now in Bridge Road waiting for a tram that never arrives. Cursing my luck I see the vision from Hawthorn’s past now incredibly offered up as “fashion” in the shop window.

The HarlequinIt’s that damn harlequin pattern ripped direct off the Hawk’s infamous 1995 preseason Guernsey. It’s too soon, why weren’t they warned. Is this the biggest fashion crime since Alex Perry “forgot” to wear socks to the Brownlow? The Harlequin traditionally represents the clown in Italian renaissance theatre. However, the real slapstick begins during the Hawks opening game in the preseason cup against Sydney (those bastards again!) in 1995.

With the lads decked out in a solid blue Guernsey adorned in brown and gold diamonds the sniggers begin early as fans realize this is a special moment in VFL/AFL history. The look of the Hawks and their general play propel even a sad clown to cheer up.

A philosopher once said “Be awesome or be shit just don’t be mediocre”. This notion underpins the proud position the Guernsey now holds as the worst footy jumper ever.

hawksIn the haute couture landscape, the harlequin is a form of patchwork, an apt metaphor for the footy thrown up by the lads that year under coach Peter Knights. It was all down hill from our opening act in this number, missing the finals for the first time since 1981 after finishing a “reach for the mogadon” 15th on the league ladder. The ignominy for Knights is later amplified when given the flick pass from Brisbane a couple of years later.

The Harlequin is also known to be a type of clown. Thanks Hawks marketing department.

You can still buy it. You still see the odd geezer wearing one at the footy.

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