3 clubs, 23 rounds, A slab of passion….

Torn between two lovers

Pre game tension explodes ahead of Hawks V Pies 2012

Pre game tension explodes ahead of Hawks V Pies 2012

Club or Partner? The conundrum when your team plays your chosen ones club that no extract from a baboon’s cerebellum injected hours before a game into the love handles can overcome.

In the spirit of relationship detente, my partner Erin and I have over a number of years arrived at rules fundamental to conduct between ourselves as Collingwood and Hawthorn fans respectively, that seek to eliminate the potential for off field escalation post game:

No denigrating remarks about the opposition
No personal abuse of opposition players
No personal abuse of the other supporter
No disparaging metaphors that impune the opposition team in any way
No overt screaming for
a) a sensational goal
b) shameful umpiring decision (or lack thereof)
c) aggressive or injurious play
Mandatory Handshake at the end of the game.
Post Game 10 minute bathing in it/bragging/song singing/general swaggering; permissible by the victor without interference or infraction of any of the above rules from the loser. At no times during these 10 minutes may the loser approach, strike or mock the victor nor throw items jointly owned by both parties at victor or any other jointly owned items.

These rules are for the good of the game – at our House.

These rules are usually broken within 2 minutes of the bounce of the ball in any Collingwood versus Hawthorn game. Today it was a simple word directed at Harry O Brien – “Dickhead” (Infraction – Michael).  Erin courageously chimed in with “poseur” 30 seconds later, presumably at Grant Birchall. Champion Data was in for a big day.

For stats lovers, here are the figures from today’s game:

Rule Infraction



Denigrating Remarks – Opposition 8 6
Abuse – opposition players 27 35*
Abuse – other supporter 76 62
Disparaging Metaphors 4 8
Screaming – Goals 1# 1^
Screaming – Umpire Decisons 17 12
Screaming – Aggressive play 5 9
Mandatory Handshake 1 1
10 Minute Post Game No Reports Rampant
*Record for abuse rotations
Injuries: NIL
^ 107 decibel roar when Buddy kicks bouncing goal from centre
# 107 decibel childish retaliation roar when Cloke slots routine goal
Pre game tension explodes ahead of Hawks V Pies 2011

Pre game tension explodes ahead of Hawks V Pies 2011

Because we both love our footy, we’ve continually attempted to negotiate the impossible middle ground of mutual respect, tolerance and fair play viz a viz our respective sides.

Hence the following attempts at game participation:

Sit apart in the stands (worked well until cocky SMS messages were traded in clear escalation of rules – see above)

Sat together in each others respective member’s areas (hands up those who want to die).

Watched together  on TV (seems to be working, despite AFL attempting to thwart our bid for abuse interchanges) which was today’s option.

Now we’re back on the same page, and plotting how we resolve the second biggest dilemma in footy – balancing family obligation (in law birthday party) with getting to Richmond V Collingwood, next round.

Hawthorn 22 13 109 FLOGGED Collingwood 13 12 90.

This entry was posted in Hawks, Pies and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.