3 clubs, 23 rounds, A slab of passion….

Gifts that refuse to stop giving

The new season is almost upon us! Not too late to get some terrific new fan merchandise for yourself that tells it like it is. Here’s a selection that have caught our eye.

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.07.15 PM“Time is the fire in which we all burn” quipped Captain Kirk in his last cinematic performance. Whilst referring to the “Ribbon”, a kind of weapon that ripped apart the time-space continuum, the quote is equally applicable to the Richmond Football Club. This clock makes the perfect gift for the Tiger fan operating under the delusion that time is in fact on their side.



Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.08.34 PMLofty claims building on the northward influence of Paul Roos upon the Demons in 2014 have been given a cold shower by the man himself as he prepares the club for ongoing turbulence. This door mat is the perfect gift for the opposition fan greedily scanning the draw for the clash against the Dees. Dee fans can drop one at the back door to reinforce the perception that the whippings are now marginally slighter than 2013.Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.13.30 PM

Western Bulldogs last flag was two generations ago in 1954. After deviating from the famous “Footscray” tricolour guernsey and all those historic benchmarks, the Club became a powerhouse in the 90’s only to be stopped at successive preliminary finals.  Last year the club returned to its famous horizontal strip and regained some lost fight. Many commentators however have the Dogs in the bottom 8 bringing to mind Economist John Maynard Keynes quip on economic futures that “in the long run we are all dead.”

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.10.44 PMDon’t them bottles and cans make a noise? Sydney’s “Love Child” status with the AFL is now over in the crater from the Buddy Franklin monster 9 year deal.

This handy bin is a terrific boost to the fan whose house is over stuffed with Swan’s memorabilia. Dispose of past heroes Shane Mumford, Jesse White and Andrejs Everitt. Take pride in recycling the future need to “keep the group together” to tilt at future glory now that the main bin is full with Buddy and Tippet and there’s nothing now left to throw out nor drink from.

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.15.45 PMSacking a coach at the end of the season is not unusual. Waiting til pre-season starts is positively novel-making it tough for Waters to pick up another gig in the coaching fraternity. This pet mat should give him comfort given the feet will be up for most of this, and following seasons.

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.21.52 PMNovelty item celebrating that rare day in ’99 when Geelong Champion Garry Hocking changed his name by deed poll to Whiskas as part of a long shot marketing stunt with a cat food manufacturer to support a skint Geelong. Incredibly, the AFL refused to print the Whiska’s name in the Record that week. No cream for the cat that year slumping to tenth and losing coach Gary Ayres. Warning: Do not eat cat food from this or any other bowl.

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.24.40 PMThis attractive bar mat can take pride of place in the Roo man or woman cave. Proudly presented to reinforce the self-fulfilling prophesy that is the current shinboner spirit. Drink – Lose the close one – Forget – Win Big – Drink – Forget – Lose the close one – Drink – Forget ad nauseum. Easy to clean those pesky Brad Scott’s “missed it by that much” glass rings from the post surrendered game press conference.

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.26.31 PMThis little beauty might inject a new dynamic into the conversation with mates whether pulled out for a swig on the fairway, schoolyard, gym or at the game itself.

It’s not all laughs and talking points however. Just make sure you actually get confirmation via email, text, statutory dec; carrier pigeon, Chinese whisper etc that the water – plus any additives (eg raspberry cordial) – you consume are in fact free of the dreaded substance. Be doubly on guard when filling the bottle on level 1 at Ethihad. Lock these ASADA/WADA communications away for a rainy day – in court.

Remember to wash out the contents after each use lest the container get a little dank.

Screen Shot 2014-02-16 at 12.30.44 PMLike you I was gutted to learn of frightening rumours about the possible recruitment of Jeff Kennett to the  role of AFL cheif executive once Andrew Demitriou steps down at season end. Been in footy a long time. Remembers the smell of the men’s urinals wafting over the standing room being the highlight of heading to the Old Hawk Glenferrie oval as a youngster. One silver lining – after taking credit for the Hawks 2013 flag with a massively tentative argument, finally he’d be responsible for every premiership – every year. Wipe your life for good of Jeff with this cheeky little winner.

Get on board your own merchandise insights. Have a ball at Supporters Central.

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2 Responses to Gifts that refuse to stop giving

  1. Col says:

    Mmmm…might have to fork out and get me one of them there Roo’s bar mats…looks like it would be able to mop up those tears as I sit and shed them for one of those near misses that I am sure will come back and haunt us again this year…

  2. Mickey Gee says:

    Put the hard word on fam and friends Col – wear it as a scarf to save some trouble?

Hit me on the chest with your centimetre perfect pass